buttsbutts: did you hear about the girl who drowned? she couldnt swim in H20 lol just a bit of nerd humor there, you probably wont get it unless youre a nerd
batreaux: you walk over to the chamber of secrets and whisper “i have a crush on my cousin”. the basilisk comes over to you and says “you totally misinterpreted the use of this chamber and also you’re pretty fuckin gross”
iwritesinsnotfanfiction: wow he sure is hungry no no that’s just the way all kids eat cereal these days — face first i’m hip
votedleastlikely: votedleastlikely: my friend is taking a blow up doll to prom tonight i’m actually crying
the-absolute-funniest-posts: davidsreality: laughing-llama: Plot twist: the-absolute-funniest-posts stops self-promoting Thats not a plot twist thats a miracle. Follow this blog, you will love it on your dashboard
deadmaid: sarahsprite: deadmaid: lvkesprite: what old joke are we going to bring back next NO
pyrop: my mom was using my laptop and she calls me down and says “i’m not going to click on it but that is kind of disturbing for me to see” little did she know that had she clicked on it she would have been subjected to my comedic genius god damn i’m funny
When you can't find the price tag
Friend: I don't know which guy to pick.
Me: I don't know what toppings i want on my pizza.
When someone gives you food and it's not enough.
louisdelgay: if you are a lil unsure about your outfit just remember rupert grint went to his first premiere wearing this
colinfirth: buttpower: you never really know someone until you play uno with them and the motherfuckin asshole hits you with a draw four #friendship has no place at the uno table
gangsta one direction: shawty you light up my weed like no other bitch
gangsta one direction: the way that you shake your ass make me glad as shit
gangsta one direction: but when you bug me at night i get mad as hell
gangsta one direction: you don't know
gangsta one direction: oh oh
gangsta one direction: you don't know that kid ain't mine!
Me: That guy is cute.
Friend: HEY DUDE MY FRIEND THINKS YOU'RE CUTE!
sticler: sassy-gay-dust: omg what if we named animals after the sound they make like in pokemon “take the bark for a walk” “hey could you feed the meows” “hey look at all those moos” woah thats one big PPFKEJGKRTLYKTPLFPLPTLTPPLLF
kindergartencop: kindergartencop: ten days without update update